Change...

I wasn't sure what to call this post. It's kindof hard to write, hard to put into words why I'm doing what I'm doing. I am almost 100% sure this is what's going to be best for our family at this stage of our life. Rod and I have talked immensely about this. We've weighed the pros and cons...discussed the advantages and disadvantages of both situations...and decided what was in my best interest, in the kids best interest, and our family as a whole's best interest. I know not everyone will agree with me, and that's okay. Life is not about wanting everyone to agree with your decisions. (Note to self: believe that last statement!!)

I'm putting Mikaela and Eli in public school. Ew...public school. That phrase sounds dirty! LOL. I mean...the school we're talking about has about 250 students PreK - 12. It's less than a mile from my house. They don't teach evolution or acceptance of homosexual lifestyle or gay marriage or abortion or anything "like that".

I understand that 'secular' curriculum has a humanistic worldview, as opposed to a God-centered worldview, which is my number one reason I didn't want them in public school. I also realize that what a child learns at home takes precedence over what he learns at school. (from my experience.)

 I understand I will be away from my two oldest children, 5 days a week from 8-3ish, for 8 months out of a year. (2 weeks Christmas break, 1 week Thanksgiving, 1 week spring break, various holdiays throughout year) I also realize that I have spent almost their entire lives so far teaching them, raising them, loving them, guiding them. They spend those first 5 crucial years side by side with me, not day care or 3 year old preschool or anything like that. Heck, I even teach the preschool sunday school class.

I understand that they will be influenced by peers; they will hear curse words; they will witness bullying and mean girls and the like. But I trust that the upbringing they have recieved from us and the salvation of their souls (both have accepted Jesus) and their common sense and compassion will PREVAIL over any evil they encounter. I'm not 'throwing them to the wolves'. They (unfortunatley) have heard curse words from extended family (despite our protests and complaints...some people just can't help theirselves, others just 'let it slip') and they have never said an ugly word. They are both friendly and desire friendship, they aren't bullies.

The reasons I'm putting these reasons is not just to convince myself (lol). It's because I feel like I have to defend myself. I don't know why. The few people I've told have been supportive, if not overly enthusiastic. I'm not very 'excited' myself, but I know this is what needs to happen.

Homeschooling is wonderful. It's fun, it's a thrill teaching your children to read, write, and think for themselves. It's rewarding...it's challenging.

I have however been a little overwhelemed off and on over the past 6 months or so. (Since Silas was born, in other words.) I barely have the energy to do school. After I clean and cook and balance the checkbook and clean some more and cook some more and nurse a baby all day long and deal with a VERY NEEDY two year old, I just don't want to sit down and do school. Blame it on a little post partum, blame it on having 4 children and a husband and laundry and cooking and cleaning, blame it on me...whatever. I have been stressed out way more than I ever have. I have been so fatigued and exhausted and wore out. I have been on emotional rollercoasters, ups and downs, highs and lows. I have been angry, I have been happy, but I have lost my JOY.

I feel like they would be happier in school. Mikaela especially wants friends! Who could blame her? There's only one girl at church even close to her age, and we don't go on Wednesday nights, so she only sees her on Sundays and sometimes sleepovers. Eli has no friends at church, except a select few that come sporadially.

Eli needs the structure and discipline of Kindergarten. He thrives on it. And I have to say, our life is less than structured. Mikaela needs the challenge. They have both been bored to tears, playing with toys, yes; playing outside, yes; but they want to go! Well...Mikaela is dying to go. Eli isn't so sure, but he's a little excited.

Mercie needs time from me. She has had the least amount of time with me of all the kids, except Silas cause he's younger. She craves attention and has been acting out to get it. I try to fit her in with everything else, but it's hard having to do school, too, and entertain other kiddos, to.  Maybe I'm doing something wrong, but I'm trying to do what is right!

I will miss them, but I know they are both trustworthy, hard working, well behaved children, and I know they will thrive.

I love my kids, and the hardest part abot putting them in school is the separation from them. I am going to miss those two like crazy!! I wish I could just keep them home, and not worry about their education. But unfortunately I can't do that.